Mr Monk and the Killer Date
by Ryan Lohner
Summary: Murder mysteries follow Monk everywhere, even on a date.
1. Chapter One

Standing in the entryway of the restaurant, Adrian Monk looked at the woman standing next to him. He supposed Michelle Rivas was an attractive woman, okay, she was very attractive, but he was still having trouble with the concept of dating. He was lucky she even spoke to him again after their disastrous first date, so when she finally called again he just said yes before thinking about what he was saying. Dr. Kroger thought it might be a positive experience for him, which comforted him a little.  
  
"Adrian, hi!" Monk was jolted out of his thoughts by Sharona's greeting. Next to her was Randall Disher. "Isn't this a surprise? So I guess you decided to make another jump, huh?" Michelle shrugged. "I made sure we were on the ground this time. So what's your story?" "Oh, he's been after me for a while now, and when he finally asked he was so pathetic I couldn't say no."  
  
At this Disher stepped up. "Well, it wasn't really pathetic, I thought, more inspired and determined." Sharona shot him a look. "Trust me, it was pathetic." She turned back to Monk and Michelle, and said, "Hey, why don't we double up?" Though Michelle voiced her approval, Monk spoke up for the first time. "Well, I had expected it to be just the two of us, I planned out all my possible responses with that situation in mind." "Oh come on, it'll be fun!" said Michelle.  
  
A waiter stepped up and asked "How many?" "Four," said Michelle before Monk could speak up. "Nonsmoking," she added. While Monk fusses with an uneven shirt button, they were led to their seats. Noticing Monk's distracted look, Sharona asked him what was wrong. "I know that guy from somewhere," he said. "I can't figure out where, and it's going to bother me all night now." Michelle coughed a little, and saw someone next to them smoking, and several other people as well. She turned back to the group and said with exasperation, "Did I or did I not clearly say nonsmoking? I'm going to bring this up with that guy."  
  
Just then a scream was heard. Monk and Disher immediately got up despite the protests of their dates and ran toward the sound. As they entered the nonsmoking section they saw everyone looking toward the door leading into the kitchen. As they headed inside they saw the body of a cook on the floor, a knife sticking out of his chest. As Disher ran off to call for backup, Monk set to work on thinking about how he was going to solve this case. 


	2. Chapter Two

A while later, some more officers had gotten the situation under control. Captain Stottlemeyer walked into the nonsmoking area, where everyone had been gathered. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is now a contained area. No one goes in or out until we get some idea of what happened here. A few people protested, but luckily many of them realized the quarantine was necessary. After all, if the killer or killers got out now, they might never be seen again.  
  
As Monk watched from the sidelines, Michelle joined him. "So what's going on?" she asked. "The victim's name was Eli Jones. That's pretty much all we know, hopefully the interrogations will give us more." He stepped into the room, but when Stottlemeyer saw him he motioned Monk to the side. "Listen," he said. "I know you were here already, and you're willing to give us some help, but so far I don't see any reason to think we'll need you. Why don't you take a breather for now, and I'll let you know if we hit a wall."  
  
Monk nodded, and went back to the others. Sharona instantly set off with, "They gave you the brush-off, huh? Come on, this is an easy paycheck, go do your thing!" Monk replied, "They don't seem to need my help here. There were lots of people around, odds are someone saw who went into the kitchen before the body was found, and I was nowhere near this area." Michelle piped up with, "Yeah, because that moron didn't put us in the right section. Where is he, anyway?" Monk surveyed the crowd but didn't see the waiter. "I guess they're interrogating him now."  
  
In an area of the kitchen away from where the body still lay, Disher questioned that very man. He began with, "State your name for the record, please." "Ira Jones," he said while choking back tears. "Eli was my brother." "All right, and what were you doing just before he was found?" "I'd just gotten back from seating you, and I got the order for a pretty big party in the nonsmoking section. I was still unloading it when we heard the scream. I froze and dropped one of the dishes." Disher noted the statements, then said, "Okay, that's all for now. You can go back out."  
  
As Ira walked out, he was met by Michelle, who shouted, "Hey, remember me? What did I say to you just before you seated me?" Momentarily flustered, he replied, "You wanted a seat in smoking?" "Try the exact opposite. Once this is over, I'm telling everyone I can about that." Sharona walked over and said, "Maybe this isn't the best time for this, Michelle. Let's go sit down." Michelle acquiesced, but looked back at Ira and said, "This isn't over."  
  
They walked over to Monk, who was busying himself by sweeping crumbs off of a table. As he saw the women approach he said, "Look at all this. How are the health inspectors letting this go?" "I'm sure a busboy would have done that," said Sharona. "But after how long? People shouldn't eat on dirty tables. I'm going to the papers with this." Michelle said to Sharona, "So are you going to say something about this? I think my complaint was a lot more valid." Sharona sighed, and said, "There's not even anything dirty on that table anymore. Let's all just try to wait until this is over."  
  
As time passed, more and more people were taken aside by the police, and finally Stottlemeyer came back out and said, "Thank you for being so helpful. All the customers are free to go; I'd like the staff to hang around a while longer." As the mass of people surged from the room, Stottlemeyer made his way over to Monk and said, "We might need your help after all." 


	3. Chapter Three

"Here's the situation," said Stottlemeyer as he and Monk walked into the kitchen. "All the customers back each other up; they all stayed in their seats the whole time. On the staff, based on who was in this room when, the main suspects are Ira, the victim's brother who's a waiter here, and Sheila, the waitress to supposedly discovered the body. Now-what are you doing?"  
  
Monk was searching around the whole room streadily, but snapped to attention at the question. "You don't often get a chance to check out a restaurant's kitchen. I'd like to make sure of how clean it is." "Do you mind if we solve the murder first? Now as I was saying,Ira and Sheila are the only ones whose schedules easily map to the time the murder could have been commited-""Oh, what is that?" Monk interrupted.  
  
He ran over to the far wall, where a sizeable crack was partially covered by a piece of masking tape. "What is this? A big crack in the wall and this is all they do about it?" Ira suddenly appeared, saying, "That's only temporary, until we can get some caulking done to seal it up." Stottlemeyer, with a touch of growing annoyance, said, "Sir, can you please wait outside until we're done here? Disher, take him back out."  
  
Once they were alone, Monk said, "All right, I'm okay now. So what's the problem?" "Each of them says that they were in that other room where the cooking's done, and the other was out here. And that's not all." He walked to the body and gestured to the wound. "At first glance it seems as normal as a murder can be, no fingerprints on the handle before you ask, but there's another wound, a bigger one, right next to it." "I see it," said Monk. "Looks like he got stabbed twice." "So we've got two people who could have done it with directly conflicting stories, and not enough evidence to convict either of them. I'm convinced this other wound is the key. Go ahead, do your thing."  
  
Monk replied, "Have you looked for the other knife?" "Top to bottom. It seems like one of the big ones is missing, but it's anyone's guess where it is. And how much help can it really be?" "Well that depends on how good the killer is, and I think we're dealing with a total amateur." "What makes you say that?" "They took the first knife, the one that killed him, out of the body, and replaced it with one that's obviously a different size. Suggests total panic. And why would they be panicked and switching the knives in the first place? My guess is the killer's fingerprints were, and still are, on that knife. They pulled it out and hid it somewhere in here. Find that knife, and we've got 'em."  
  
Stottlemeyer just stared at him. "Very impressive, but I told you, we've gone over the whole kitchen with a fine tooth comb. It's not in here." Monk simply said, "Well, look again. It never hurts to do things twice. I've got something else I'd like to do." He went back out, and approached Ira, saying, "Listen, do I know you from somewhere?"  
  
"What?" Ira said. "It's been bugging me for a while now. I swear I've seen you before." "Well, I'm pretty sure I haven't seen you. Seems like you're more attuned to a past life or something." "I don't believe in that. I'm sure we've met before. Let me know if you remember, will you?"  
  
Monk went back to where the ladies were standing. "You're still here?" he said. "You couldn't drag me away. So what's going on?" Michelle asked. "Oh the usual, but this time we're lucky. The killer's a beginner, he's bound to slip up sooner or later. I'd sure like to catch him tonight, though." "Well, I'm sure you will," said Sharona.  
  
She went on with, "I've been watching some of the staff members. That guy that seated us and one of the waitresses definitely have a thing for each other. The way they look at each other, it's so obvious." She pointed out the girl, and Monk went over to her. "Excuse me, what's your name?" "Sheila Kats," she said. "Is that important?" "It might be," said Monk. "I'd like to talk to you and Ira alone, if you don't mind." 


	4. Chapter Four

When the three of them were alone, Monk started with, "How did you and your brother both come to be working here?" Ira replied, "I've been here a while, he just started a couple months ago. He'd been struggling for a while, and was begging me to help him out. I put in a good word for him, and apparently that was enough. He wasn't that good a cook, really, but apparently my word is good enough for the people that run this place."  
  
"I noticed you're wearing a wedding ring, Mr. Jones. Are you still married?" "Well, I don't see what that has to do with this thing, but yes," he replied. Monk said, "It may have everything to do with it. Let me get my assistant."  
  
Sharona and Michelle were both deep in thought about the situation. When Monk came over, they were both startled momentarily. Monk asked Sharona to come to the questioning with him. "You need me?" Michelle asked. "No," he said. "I'll let you know if I need you, trust me."  
  
Back at the interrogation, Monk presented Sharona. "She's been watching you two, and she noticed something odd." Monk privately asked Sharona, "Just how sure are you of this?" "What, you want a percent?" she said. "Yes, that would be nice." "Okay, 60." Monk was taken aback. "That's it? Why'd you tell me about it then?" "It was good enough for me." Somewhat embarrassed, Monk turned back to the suspects and asked Sharona to elaborate. "I saw the looks you two were giving each other the whole time. I know those looks. You're sneaking around, aren't you?"  
  
Sheila exploded. "How dare you make insinuations like that? We work together and that's all! Ira is happily married; even if I was interested I wouldn't approach him because of that." Ira stepped in, saying, "I think that's about all the questions I'm going to answer from you." They walked away, but Sharona still looked accusingly at them. "They are, I just know it." Monk tried to bring her down. "Come on, sixty percent? That might as well be nothing. You heard how upset Sheila got." "Yeah, maybe a little too upset," Sharona replied.  
  
Just then Michelle walked up to them. "You were listening," Monk said. "Yes, and I have to wonder, if I have a hunch like that would you give it that much consideration?" "Well, Sharona and I have known each other for a while. I've come to trust her instincts a little as she's gotten more experienced. Maybe if we knew each other that well, I would." "So that's a no, then?"  
  
Stottlemeyer then showed up, and Monk mouthed "Thank you" at him. "One of these people tells me you're harassing him. Is that true?" Sharona stepped in. "It's really my fault, captain. I thought I saw something suspicious, and maybe I didn't, but he was just following my lead." Stottlemeyer responded, "Okay. But if you're going to be helping, antagonizing a suspect isn't a smart thing to do. Gives him some ground if he wants to get us on brutality. The guy's going on about paying his way through college and stuff."  
  
Suddenly Monk seemed frozen in place. After a few attempts to break through to him by the others, he smiled and said, "I remember where I know Ira Jones from. And I solved the case." 


	5. Chapter Five

Monk, Stottlemeyer, Disher, Sharona, and Michelle gathered together in the kitchen with Ira and Sheila. "All right, Monk, lay it on us," Stottlemeyer said.  
  
"Well Captain, Ira's saying he was paying his way through college enabled me to place his face: I arrested him in my early days of the force for breaking and entering. He made the same excuse then." Everyone looked at Ira. "Yeah, it's true," he said. "I was a dumb kid, I served my time, it's ancient history. What does that have to do with what happened tonight?"  
  
"Well, when I arrested you I adjusted an uneven button on my shirt. I did the same thing tonight while you were seating us. That must have triggered your memory. Not knowing I wasn't still a cop, you put us in the smoking section despite Michelle's clear request not to. I can only think of one reason for that: you didn't want me around when Eli was killed. So you knew about it."  
  
Ira interjected, "But you're forgetting one thing. Motive. Why would I kill my own brother?" Monk replied, "I was just coming to that. Here's what I think happened. You've been cheating on your wife with Sheila here since you started working at this place. Your brother caught you, and blackmailed you into giving him a helping hand by getting him a job here despite his lacking the necessary skills. But then you realized it might not end there. So you both decided to get rid of him.  
  
"Once I was safely out of the way, you waited until you were alone with Eli, then one of you stabbed him in the heart. Now, b & e and adultery is one thing, but murder is a step up. So when you realized neither of you were wearing gloves and your fingerprints could be taken off the knife handle, you panicked. You didn't realize you just had to wipe the handle down, so you replaced it with another knife, one you were sure had no prints on it."  
  
Stottlemeyer said, "Well, we can't prove any of that without the murder weapon. Did you happen to figure out where it is?" "Yes," Monk said. "Mr. Jones, you were very quick to stop me when my attention wandered to the improperly sealed crack in the wall. That got me thinking, what if it wasn't always improperly sealed? This is my theory: when the big order came, you took off some of the tape and used it to attach the knife to the bottom of the tray. Once you were outside and had an alibi, you had Sheila scream as if she was discovering the body. You dropped a plate, and once everyone was sufficiently distracted you removed the knife from the tray and attached it beneath the table. You hoped it would be safely hidden until the police had left."  
  
Disher said, "Well, that's easily provable. There's only one spot here where a sizable party could sit." He went over to the largest table in the room and lifted up the tablecloth, revealing the knife. Stottlemeyer swung into action, reading Ira and Sheila their rights and taking them into custody. Michelle said to Monk, "Very impressive." He shrugged and said, "It's what I do." 


	6. Epilogue

As everyone was leaving the restaurant, Disher said to Sharona, "I hope this hasn't soured you on us at all. Just give it to me straight, is there any chance of another one of these things?" Sharona paused, then said, "I don't know. If the next date isn't as exciting as this it might be a bit of a letdown." She watched Disher squirm for a few seconds, then continued, "Actually, I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes."  
  
Beaming, Disher said to Stottlemeyer, "Wow. I never let myself have any hopes we'd get past a first date. This is incredible!" "Well Randy, I'd give you some advice, but anyone who'd put up with Monk for so long shouldn't be too difficult to reel in. Go get her."  
  
Monk and Michelle watched the whole thing. "So what do you think?" Michelle asked. "A disaster this big can't happen three dates in a row." Monk stuttered out, "Well, I'm really not quite sure yet. Why don't you ask me when I can get some note cards ready?" "It's a deal," said Michelle. She then gave Monk a peck on the cheek and got into a cab. Monk was in agony, but waited until the cab was far away before turning and asking Sharona for a wipe. He was shocked to realize he was open to the possibility of another date, and even found himself hoping Michelle would call soon. He'd get started thinking up what to say as soon as he got home. 


End file.
